I am a federal worker. We are still terrified on Friday is D-Day.

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In the course of the last two weeks, the headlines have revolved with a dizzying speed around Elon Musk’s efforts to redo the federal workforce through their government efficiency department. While it has been difficult for the press to keep up with each movement and contramanada, the swirl has certainly left the public carefully, either with delight or despair. And there have really been some headlines on the last day or two who have been worthy of celebrating. On Thursday, for example, a federal judge issued a Temporary stay Against the musk Potentially illegal contract purchase offer. Earlier in the day, another judge partially blocked Doge’s access to the computer systems of the Treasury Department they had hurriedly invaded. Of course, one of the JEGE employees who had retained access under the judge’s ruling, Marko Elez, was immediately revealed For the Wall Street Journal, he had pronounced himself “a racist before it was great” and backed away that feeling with several racist positions. But then came the good part of the headline: Elez, who had been granted access to the private data of millions, had resigned due to revelation.

While we can comfort the drents and the lots of news that the worst excesses of musk finally face each other some It goes back, the overwhelming mood from the halls of the federal government is a mourning.

We regret our colleagues. Many have already been informed that they no longer have a job that serves the American public. We wait with the breath contained to listen to others apparently in the sights of the aspiring “efficiency” cuts.

The purchase bought from federal workers planned to expire at midnight on Thursday, although it is now in the limbo of litigation. Even so, test employees throughout the country were preparing for termination letters as soon as Friday morning. Not because the administration has been explicit about this plan, but because all He hopes that the new management will want to turn off people to people the day after the purchase expired only to say: “I told you.” It doesn’t matter that the offer out of doubtful legality at best. It doesn’t matter that the administration is typical of several frequent questions about its purchase contradicted each other. It doesn’t matter that the offer was hurried by the door and forced employees to hurry their decision. And it doesn’t matter that many of these test employees had recently upset their lives to pursue their Dream work In public service. Everyone knows that their new bosses are small and petty, and everyone expects tomorrow to be worse than today.

We also cry our projects. Throughout the government, science has turned, cases have been arrested, humanitarian aid has been held and all kinds of public-private associations have been questioned. Or worse. And for the most part, it is clear that the recklessness of restructuring is driven, not by efficiency, but by ignorance.

They say that silence is the best fulfillment of a chef. According to those lights, government workers have always worked as kitchen staff, waiting for a quiet reception of their efforts. Stable markets, regular social security controls, safe borders, tragedy transport, civil rights, drinking water and breathable air: if we are doing our job, you don’t have to think about these things. They can slide into things that we all take for granted, without comment. Sit, enjoy your dinner.

Federal workers rarely promote our successes. There are always more than we could do to protect and preserve the rights, security and resources of our nation. But that humility has had a cost: criticism of federal workers for partisan political games generally have no response or ignore. And that silence has been received as distant or elitist, causing new criticism, promoting new anger.

But to be overwhelming: politicians who collect federal workers who do their job is like a disgust coated with trenches that collect nannies in a recess patio. We could make secondary comments to each otherIt is strange that you are so obsessed with the bathrooms we use, correct? – But our main concern is how we can protect our positions: the little ones in the slide; The people, democratic values, human support infrastructures that have been entrusted to our care. Having to abandon our positions is our last and most desperate act, one that tens of thousands have been forced to undertake in recent days, according to reports.

But we also cry our democracy. Following the riots of January 6, I heard a debate from two lifelong officials that was in worse form: the global climate or our constitutional republic. The official worried about the climate that society claimed that it was in a car that accelerated towards the edge of a cliff, its brake lines were cut. The colleague worried about the state of civil rights said without Rodeos: “We are already in free fall. We are just waiting to see if we survive. “

Trump’s attacks on independent agencies, Musk’s intrusion into private data and payment systems, these are attacks on the separation of powers that we all used) in silence we take for granted. They are unconstitutional cartoons. There is no intellectual author, musk is more Sccaramucci 2.0, an adegated and excessive whirlwind that we all expected to be a chapter more than we could say: “Whoa, that was wild. Next.” But stepping so obviously and greedily in the constitutional framework will force a response from the courts. And on the horizon he approaches the very real possibility that this administration refuses to fulfill an order he does not like.

We are in free fall. Waiting to see if we can survive the accident.

As the headlines revolve, I receive more and more worried notes of friends and family outside the government service. It is really Faa that understaffed? The administration Really cut What many jobs in the EPA? The administration really Silence scientists of public health? Willpower Test workers Really be finished after the purchase expires, even if they wanted to continue working for the public? Did the DOJ really establish some kind of Thought Police?

To these questions, I can only light my shoulders.

This is how the inevitable following question, made with gentle concern: What are you going to do?

This is what I will do: I will do my job the best I know. I will read every new directive of my political leadership and I will go to my keyboard to implement it as best I can. And I will polish my curriculum and request other works and hate myself for doing so.

But before doing some of that, I will put a brave face and go to a farewell party for a dedicated audience but leaving server.