Terrified of making a disaster, I stopped eating in front of people

Biting tremblingly in a small spoonful of paella, I prayed in silence so that my partner, Piyus, was not looking.

Although we had been have an appointment For a whole year, I had not dared to eat in front of him so far.

I was too afraid to spill something or get food on my face and that He would point or laugh at me for making a disaster. A fear that had kept me for years.

When I was a child, other children in school I had begun to make fun of me to ‘walk like a robot’, and I was aware of how I met others. So, although it was not a particularly messy dining room, I became paranoid because it would become the following they would choose.

It was then that I decided to stop eating in front of anyone completely, even those closest to me.

It was easy to get yours at the beginning. My parents worked long hours in a store, which means we never eaten together.

But the great family gatherings became a nightmare: it would go hungry or just eat foods that would not make a disaster, such as fried potatoes, which could break into small pieces. Even then, I would nibble in my room, or in the corner where no one could see.

I thought I was only self -conscious, but years of training have helped me to realize that I was suffering Social Anxiety Disorder.

The National Institute of Excellence for Health and Care (NICE) estimates that up to 12% of people in the United Kingdom are affected by social anxiety at some point in their lives and I was one of them.

It is described as a fear of daily activities, such as catching a bus, walking in public or filling the gasoline car, with those affected who care about those who are being laughing or judged by the spectators.

My fear came with all those activities, but eating was the worst. However, I hid my problem so well of my parents that they had no idea what was happening and probably will never do it.

Experts say that social anxiety often improves with age, but by the time I was 18 years old and in college, things were becoming bad.

If I had no choice but to eat in public, I would hide in the corner and only eat items with which they were impossible to make a disaster, such as fruit or chopped pasta.

I received advice through the university, which helped a bit, and the header offered me antidepressants, but never took them.

Things got so bad that I tried to commit suicide.

Around that same time, I met Piyus, who saw my problem when I kept sending it at lunchtime. It was then that I confessed what was happening: the only person I told him not my best friend.

For my relief, I could not have been more supportive and our connection continued to grow.

Finally, after a year together, I finally let me take me in our first ‘adequate’ event to a restaurant.

I chose Paella, a meal with ingredients that would join so that it was not everywhere and Piyus continued eating, which allowed my fears to fade quickly.

It was a big step and then I knew that Piyus was the indicated. However, it would still be a long time before I would ever feel really comfortable eating in front of anyone.

In our wedding, four years later, my messy eaten was still paralyzing me and I had to make Piyus distract our guests so that no one noticed that I was barely touching my food.

In my work as an optometrist, I felt forced to have lunch in front of the wall in a nearby cafeteria, since there was no private side that I could eat.

Once in a pizza restaurant with friends, I chose a yogurt dessert instead of a main meal, since it was so paranoid about eating slices in front of people.

Finally, I decided that enough was enough and paid privately Cognitive behavioral therapy (TCC) -A conversation therapy that can help him handle his problems by changing the way he thinks and behaves, in which I established tasks to face my fears from the front.

He started with small things like going to people alone. That exercise only taught me that others were too wrapped in their own lives to pay me attention.

Little by little, my fears were relieved to the point where I could eat small meals in front of people, using a knife and a fork to cut it into pieces first.

When Piyus and I had our girls, Sienna, in 2011 and island, in 2013, I was able to eat family meals with them at home, but I still couldn’t eat normally at meals or great family parties.

Concerned about the impact that my messy diet could have one day on them, I decided even more determined to do something about it. That is why, in 2018, I decided to become a rapid transformation therapy practitioner.

Rapid transformation therapy allows you to understand where these beliefs come from, why they arose in someone’s life and then work to put aside what is no longer useful and wirp the neuronal pathways again to obtain better beliefs.

As part of my training, I had to have my own advice and discovered that my fears had emerged from childhood; I never felt good enough and I always wanted to fit and belong.

I had to learn to accept that I didn’t need to be perfect and that We all embarrass from time to time. And he really helped me that, half of the time, nobody is paying attention anyway.

From that moment on, things became gradually easier and today, 41, I am in a much better place.

I still have to strive to eat things in a way that I can make a disaster, such as eating a hamburger in a restaurant last year with my hands. But in general, I feel much better.

The biggest difference now is that I can go out with piyus and girls and ask for what I In fact I want to eat, not only what will do less disaster.

Recently, I even faced my greatest fear of everyone when I bit a bagel in front of my boss and the cream cheese filling spilled everywhere. It was not as much as a eyelid mutter and I felt euphoric.

I spent years avoiding things and certain foods because I was afraid to embarrass myself. But now I know I have nothing to fear.

Life can be messy, and for once, I agree with that.

As told Carina Platt

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