7 central characteristics of a marriage built to last

In marriage, couples who begin their relationship working as a team tend to cross the finish line much more frequently than those that follow passively.

Human beings are naturally social, so we must be part of a team. That is why, when our local team, our intimate relationship, is struggling, we have problems communicating, cooperating and scoring. However, the problem is that it is easy to think that you are acting as a team when you are not.

So how do you see good marriage and great teamwork? We talked with some experts in relationships about the central characteristics of a marriage built to last, which means being part of a good team and what to look for if you think you and your partner could use some training.

These are the central characteristics of a marriage created to last:

1. You speak the language of commitment

According to Robyn D’Angelo, marriage and family with license, and the founder of The happy couple’s expert Private practice, commitment is a matter of winning and losing for both.

“Even if a commitment is 99 percent in their favor,” says D’Angelo, “she knows that there is a part of you that is not happy.” As a team, his work as love and mature adults is to experience those ‘micro-disappointments’ and move through them. It’s like walking; It looks balanced. “

When he raises a foot to take a step, he will hire the rest of his body to support his body. A good teammate, then, can give up something you want while looking for other areas that can compromise. “In a team, the commitment is about ‘What am I willing to accept?’ And ‘What am I not willing to accept?’ “Says D’Angelo. A good team will be clear, flexible and willing to administer emotions when something must be renounced. ”

2. Do not allow negative internal dialogue

Miljan Zivkovic through Shuttersock

“Being a good teammate means that you generally like, you appreciate and value what the members of your team contribute to the game,” says D’Angelo.

“If you find your thoughts focusing how much your partner moves, or how nothing you do is good enough, your partner will feel it and start feeling internally negative.”

A good teammate, then, is not afraid to verbalize what they like, love or appreciate about their partner, who love to listen, as supported by a Study in the Diary of Personal Relations.

According to Juan Santos, main counselor and owner of Santos Advice, PLLCThe negative internal dialogue can distract your relationship from your ultimate goal of happiness and satisfaction. “Grant in that mutual goal,” Santos advises. “And they are responsible for each other when they notice negativity. A good team can do this together, and constructively. “

Related: If you want a better marriage, it is time to accept these 10 truths on healthy communication

3. They notice the mood and energies of the other

“I used to see the cartoon of X-Men a lot as a child,” Santos recalls. “I loved how Professor X. I could read minds. But that is the opposite of what you want to try and do. “A good teammate, so he does not mean that he or she knows what the other person is thinking while trying to solve the problem.

On the other hand, by Santos, to help the team to grow, it is more important to communicate and be on the same page before examining a solution.

“Women are stamped with this label of wanting men to be mental readers,” says D’Angelo. “Spoiler alert: we don’t want you to read our minds, we want you to know us. And knowing us means noticing.”

Notaring a new haircut or outfit is excellent, but, according to D’Angelo, a good teammate realizes that he changes in our mood or in our energies and responds with love. “It is not your work to take away the pain or have all the answers, but, as a team, they should feel curious of each other to show how well they know each other.”

4. You let the little things go

“You can’t grab something with a closed fist,” says D’Angelo. “Then, receiving things like forgiveness, kindness or apologies is impossible if you cling too much to a negative emotion.”

Being angry and frustrated by ‘little things’ is normal, and healthy! – But, as a good teammate, you know when to let them go, according to the investigation In the Journal of Family Tusss.

“It is a connection cycle, then disconnection, then reconnection. If a disagreement occurs, a good team tries to move towards repair as soon as possible, ”says D’Angelo.

Related: why forgiveness is one of the most powerful things in this world

5. respect the other time

“Couples in healthy relationships respect the communication of the importance of each other’s time,” says Santos. “They explore what they like to do as a couple and individually, to grow the relationship, as well as themselves,” he adds.

“It is more likely that men do good things for people who show them great amounts of respect. This is how male brains connect, ”explains D’Angelo. “In a relationship, it is important to know that his brain is a bit different. When it comes to planning and programming, two activities that relax the female brain, both want to feel important.

Including others in the decision -making process It shows that they care about the schedules and interests of the other. “

6. You energize and inspire each other

Five photos through Shuttersock

“I never understood why all men in my life sprouted about Tom Brady,” admits D’Angelo. “And then I saw them see him play. Trust his teammates, and his teammates trust him. That is why it is so good, and in its element in the field. You may not throw TD like Tom Brady, but you definitely have that “thing” that ignites you, and she too.

“When you see, in its elements, it will be impressed, inspired and excited, which will help strengthen your team.”

Santos adds that simple gestures can greatly contribute to energizing their team. “Healthy couples know the importance of that ‘tacit language’. Small things such as visual contact or small conversations are often overlooked, but they can help increase someone’s mood. “

Related: married couples who remain madly in love for decades do these 8 things for each other without being asked

7. Do not keep score

“The opponents keep the score to track who is winning and losing,” says D’Angelo. “You want to win or point out how hard your opponent is losing. That is the opposite of creating connection, motivation to collaborate or any type of association, which is what good teams do the five, or give palmaditas in the back, when any of you wins. That is a team that would support me. “

For the sake of a healthy relationship, Santos also says that Avoid keeping the score extreme. “This usually happens early in the relationship, and is not healthy. If you are in this type of situation with someone who cares, work to create a value that opposes it. ” As you know, teamwork.

Teamwork makes the dream work, or so says the saying. And it is true, assuming that the dream is part of a healthy and productive marriage.

Related: 10 lessons The safer partners learn that they keep them faithful for life

Matt Christensen is a Cleveland -based writer who writes about relationships, mental health and breeding of children. It has contributed to more than two dozen global digital and printed publications, including Maxim, ESPN, Men’s Journal and Cosmo.